Since moving a few months ago and beginning a new school year at a new college, I basically have a clean slate. This is good and bad: I have the opportunity to make my life what I want it to be and make this an amazing and successful year in school, but I also have to start over with getting to know my new school, town, and new friends.
Recently I am really missing my old friends, I wish that I could do the wonderful things I used to like go for walks or meet up for dinner or go shopping or stargaze in the middle of the night. However, first I need to make new friends here. It's a difficult process, it takes guts and effort and time. I wish I could have 'insta-friends' but that doesn't really happen. Another obstacle is the fact that I am not really a typical 22 year old. I do enjoy going out with friends but I do not enjoy getting wasted. In fact, these situations make me rather uncomfortable and not very enjoyable at all. So far, this is posing a problem for hanging out with the few people I have met as of yet. Hopefully I can find a way to enjoy the drunk-bar scene and/or I can find so people who like a more low-key vibe.
On the plus-side, school is going very well. I have no fear of running into professors or people who will know of past absences or failures. I have the awesome opportunity of a clean slate and can make college an A+. So far I am doing alright and I think and hope that things will go even smoother once I get more used to the new schedule. Although, things in lie usually happen at a slower pace than I'd like, I am certainly making progress and I hope that I can remember that through the tough times that I am sure to encounter.
Gym Class:
I don't know who decided that gym class should be a required class in college, but I am going to try to make it have a positive influence on my life. My goal for the semester is to exercise at least 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes. Keeping myself accountable and on track will be key to accomplishing this, so hopefully I will be able to report good things in upcoming blogs.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Loneliness
So I've been bitten by the loneliness bug recently:( Taking this term off has been a very good decision for me in a lot of ways, but I have been very isolated -- seeing that I currently live in a town where I know only one person my age -- and my extreme extrovertedness is not handling this very well. I did start dating someone which has helped a bit, but when I'm not with him I feel completely alone. I took this term off to restore my energy and learn to relax and rejuvenate, but how I can I get energy by being alone when I get my energy from people?!?!?! I mean, it's no wonder all I want to do is lay in bed all day, there is no one to talk to even or do anything with!
Today my mom and I went and got hair cuts, and I was a complete crazy person! I couldn't shut up! I've been so isolated from people that I just wanted to soak up everyone's energy and hear their stories and laugh, etc. I am definitely a people person and not meant to be alone, but how do I make alone-ness work for me for the next month or so?
My loneliness also is beginning to cause issues in my dating relationship. I am alone all day and can't wait to see him but he is working all day and can't wait to just sit down, have a beer, and go to sleep. I have been pretty understanding of our very different situations, but I'm beginning to get frustrated. On top of this, the past two nights in a row he said he was too tired to hang out with me, but then decided to hang out with friends! Grrr! I know that if I wasn't spending all my time alone and if I had friends here, this situation would not be nearly as big of an issue, so I'm trying to be understanding. Still, would it be that difficult to at the very least give me a heads up?! At least then I wouldn't wait all day to see him, to then find out that he's too tired.
Well, I think I've ranted sufficiently and am feeling a little better now:) I think my first step to figuring out this alone business will be to do some research on introverted/extrovertedness and see how the other half lives.
Lent Update: I've been very good about everything except the exercise, and I know I really need to add it to my life. If only I had a friend to work out with.... AYE!
Much Love!
Today my mom and I went and got hair cuts, and I was a complete crazy person! I couldn't shut up! I've been so isolated from people that I just wanted to soak up everyone's energy and hear their stories and laugh, etc. I am definitely a people person and not meant to be alone, but how do I make alone-ness work for me for the next month or so?
My loneliness also is beginning to cause issues in my dating relationship. I am alone all day and can't wait to see him but he is working all day and can't wait to just sit down, have a beer, and go to sleep. I have been pretty understanding of our very different situations, but I'm beginning to get frustrated. On top of this, the past two nights in a row he said he was too tired to hang out with me, but then decided to hang out with friends! Grrr! I know that if I wasn't spending all my time alone and if I had friends here, this situation would not be nearly as big of an issue, so I'm trying to be understanding. Still, would it be that difficult to at the very least give me a heads up?! At least then I wouldn't wait all day to see him, to then find out that he's too tired.
Well, I think I've ranted sufficiently and am feeling a little better now:) I think my first step to figuring out this alone business will be to do some research on introverted/extrovertedness and see how the other half lives.
Lent Update: I've been very good about everything except the exercise, and I know I really need to add it to my life. If only I had a friend to work out with.... AYE!
Much Love!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lent
Lent began yesterday with Ash Wednesday and I am full of emotions -- mixed ones:/ I am so very excited and thankful and appreciative for Lent and the upcoming Easter. I didn't make it to church last night, but I did read through the service from the Book of Worship tonight and even that was very heavy and intense. Even though I don't totally get God, the portion that I do understand is amazing and crazy awesome! God's love is so mind-blowingly intense that I want to fall to my knees and burst into tears. I screw up all the time and I make bad choices and I don't trust God enough to live the life God made me for, but God still loves me and blesses me immensely! It's amazing! On top of all this awesomeness of God's gifts this season of lent has also inspired me to make some changes in my life:
Exercise 30 minutes a day at least 5 times a week
Read the Bible daily
Floss everyday (I went to the dentist the other day and am now afraid of plaque)
Stop drinking soda
It's day two of lent and I am doing okay on these changes. I have succeeded in all except the exercising so far which I am pretty impressed with:) However, even though God has given me amazing love and I'm excited about these life changes, I have found it very difficult to be excited in general the past couple days. I don't even want to get out of bed. I'd rather just sleep. I'm not excited or motivated to much of anything really. I know these are my symptoms of depression and am probably just going through a low point right now, but it is still very frustrating! I have tried to raise my spirits with music and reading and such but I'm still down. I guess I need to come up with some more ideas for these days when all I want to do is stay in bed. On these days I really feel as though I'm just wasting away. I need to figure out how to lift myself out of these down spots so that I can be healthier in general and also so that I can start living a semi-normal life. I'm hoping and planning to go back to school at the end of March, so I need to have a working plan for these bad times by then.
Also, God keeps testing me to see if I am really faithful and trusting of God's power and awesomeness or just saying it. My family will be moving again soon and my first reactions were definitely negative: the move really complicates a lot of things in my life and makes me worry about how things will workout. But, DUH! No matter how complicated life gets God already has it figured out and has a great plan for me! I NEED to TRUST GOD! Crimeny! I wonder how many times I will have to learn this lesson before I really learn it? At least I'm on my way!
God is amazing!
Exercise 30 minutes a day at least 5 times a week
Read the Bible daily
Floss everyday (I went to the dentist the other day and am now afraid of plaque)
Stop drinking soda
It's day two of lent and I am doing okay on these changes. I have succeeded in all except the exercising so far which I am pretty impressed with:) However, even though God has given me amazing love and I'm excited about these life changes, I have found it very difficult to be excited in general the past couple days. I don't even want to get out of bed. I'd rather just sleep. I'm not excited or motivated to much of anything really. I know these are my symptoms of depression and am probably just going through a low point right now, but it is still very frustrating! I have tried to raise my spirits with music and reading and such but I'm still down. I guess I need to come up with some more ideas for these days when all I want to do is stay in bed. On these days I really feel as though I'm just wasting away. I need to figure out how to lift myself out of these down spots so that I can be healthier in general and also so that I can start living a semi-normal life. I'm hoping and planning to go back to school at the end of March, so I need to have a working plan for these bad times by then.
Also, God keeps testing me to see if I am really faithful and trusting of God's power and awesomeness or just saying it. My family will be moving again soon and my first reactions were definitely negative: the move really complicates a lot of things in my life and makes me worry about how things will workout. But, DUH! No matter how complicated life gets God already has it figured out and has a great plan for me! I NEED to TRUST GOD! Crimeny! I wonder how many times I will have to learn this lesson before I really learn it? At least I'm on my way!
God is amazing!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
So I'm starting a blog...
It is 4:55am right now. Apparently, I get pretty great ideas in the middle of the night! However, I'm getting tired very quickly now, so we'll see how the follow through on this idea turns out....
I think I tried to start a blog a couple years ago, I wanted to be as cool as my best fired;) but I couldn't find it, so I'm starting fresh now. This really makes sense, since I'm sort of starting over fresh in life right now. In the middle of my senior year of college I am taking a term off from everything -- school, work, I'm at least 90 minutes from any friends, everything -- to find myself. I am currently a little over half way through my term off and unfortunately things have not been progressing as well as I'd like. Fortunately, I have aforementioned best friend who keeps me going and recently suggested I try blogging. So here I am... writing to the internet or friends or whoever reads this I guess.
I feel that I should explain the title: When I came to the title page and was thinking about what I'd be writing about and where I am in life, everything had an -ing on the end -- searching, healing, looking, finding, growing, etc. I couldn't really decide on one so I went with Erika-ing because I'm sort of figuring out who Erika is, who I want to be, and what I want out of life. This journey of figuring out myself and my life will be the general theme of the blog, but I'm sure if I keep going with the blog lots of other topics will be thrown in -- if you know me, you know that I can ramble and also may have ADD:)
Well, I think this is it for the first post. I don't have much else to say right now and I think I've started to ramble. I think I should get some sleep now, although I am pretty excited about this blog and I have a good feeling about the future....
Here's to the future: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to arm you, palns to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
With Love -Erika
I think I tried to start a blog a couple years ago, I wanted to be as cool as my best fired;) but I couldn't find it, so I'm starting fresh now. This really makes sense, since I'm sort of starting over fresh in life right now. In the middle of my senior year of college I am taking a term off from everything -- school, work, I'm at least 90 minutes from any friends, everything -- to find myself. I am currently a little over half way through my term off and unfortunately things have not been progressing as well as I'd like. Fortunately, I have aforementioned best friend who keeps me going and recently suggested I try blogging. So here I am... writing to the internet or friends or whoever reads this I guess.
I feel that I should explain the title: When I came to the title page and was thinking about what I'd be writing about and where I am in life, everything had an -ing on the end -- searching, healing, looking, finding, growing, etc. I couldn't really decide on one so I went with Erika-ing because I'm sort of figuring out who Erika is, who I want to be, and what I want out of life. This journey of figuring out myself and my life will be the general theme of the blog, but I'm sure if I keep going with the blog lots of other topics will be thrown in -- if you know me, you know that I can ramble and also may have ADD:)
Well, I think this is it for the first post. I don't have much else to say right now and I think I've started to ramble. I think I should get some sleep now, although I am pretty excited about this blog and I have a good feeling about the future....
Here's to the future: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to arm you, palns to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
With Love -Erika
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