Lent

Lent began yesterday with Ash Wednesday and I am full of emotions -- mixed ones:/ I am so very excited and thankful and appreciative for Lent and the upcoming Easter. I didn't make it to church last night, but I did read through the service from the Book of Worship tonight and even that was very heavy and intense. Even though I don't totally get God, the portion that I do understand is amazing and crazy awesome! God's love is so mind-blowingly intense that I want to fall to my knees and burst into tears. I screw up all the time and I make bad choices and I don't trust God enough to live the life God made me for, but God still loves me and blesses me immensely! It's amazing! On top of all this awesomeness of God's gifts this season of lent has also inspired me to make some changes in my life:

Exercise 30 minutes a day at least 5 times a week

Read the Bible daily

Floss everyday (I went to the dentist the other day and am now afraid of plaque)

Stop drinking soda

It's day two of lent and I am doing okay on these changes. I have succeeded in all except the exercising so far which I am pretty impressed with:) However, even though God has given me amazing love and I'm excited about these life changes, I have found it very difficult to be excited in general the past couple days. I don't even want to get out of bed. I'd rather just sleep. I'm not excited or motivated to much of anything really. I know these are my symptoms of depression and am probably just going through a low point right now, but it is still very frustrating! I have tried to raise my spirits with music and reading and such but I'm still down. I guess I need to come up with some more ideas for these days when all I want to do is stay in bed. On these days I really feel as though I'm just wasting away. I need to figure out how to lift myself out of these down spots so that I can be healthier in general and also so that I can start living a semi-normal life. I'm hoping and planning to go back to school at the end of March, so I need to have a working plan for these bad times by then.

Also, God keeps testing me to see if I am really faithful and trusting of God's power and awesomeness or just saying it. My family will be moving again soon and my first reactions were definitely negative: the move really complicates a lot of things in my life and makes me worry about how things will workout. But, DUH! No matter how complicated life gets God already has it figured out and has a great plan for me! I NEED to TRUST GOD! Crimeny! I wonder how many times I will have to learn this lesson before I really learn it? At least I'm on my way!

God is amazing!